Perhaps I Should Have A Cape

In a violent world where innocent lives are smushed, splatted, and squashed, I, gallantly, have vowed to rid the world (...well... at least my general area within city limits) of the decaying aftermath largely caused by the villains of vehicular animal-slaughter. Armed with thick gloves, garbage bags, Man-Pants, and super-strength hand sanitizer, I head out, alone, to inspire hope for a cleaner, less smelly world.

Okay... so it's a bit of a stretch... maybe DC and Marvel won't be breaking down doors to add my character to either of their superhero universes... perhaps fine tuning is necessary before approaching them with an official pitch.

But seriously, I'm not really sure who people expect to show up when they call for someone to come pick up dead animals on their property, but most have seemed pretty surprised to find a me, a 22-year-old girl, in their yard to pick up dead things. (This, by the way, I take as a good sign--that I don't initially strike people as someone who picks up dead animals for a living.)

I show up, quick bag it as if picking up after one's dog, and then go on my way. Some, I believe, feel the need to justify the fact that they called someone else to do this simple yet dirty task for them. For example, today I got a call to retrieve a dead bunny in someone's backyard.

I arrive at the house and a fairly intimidating man opens the door. You know, the type of big guy you'd expect to see sitting in a snug-fitting black leather jacket on the back of a Harley. He shows me to the back yard flower beds (assumability his wife's) and, with an awkwardly sheepish and slightly embarrassed glance to the ground, he stands about two feet away from the animal and points saying "...I think it's a bunny..."

I smile and walk over to see a rabbit, completely intact (no missing bits or open wounds) and completely without any flies to deal with! (This, in case anyone needs clarifying, is considered an excellent find!)

"Oh yea, that's a dead bunny" I said as I quickly bagged it without slightest bit of trouble, tied off the bag and then stepped back from the garden. Seriously, it takes about 5 seconds to deal with something like that.

"So that's all there is to it then?"
"Yep!"

I think he felt the need to clarify as he quickly followed with...

"Yea so the bunn-- *cough* the rabbit was here and, ya'know, I would have just ...gotten it myself but... um, the garbage. I didn't want it to have to sit in the garbage until it was picked up and all."
"Oh no, don't worry about it. Not a problem at all, we'll take him away."
"Yea, thanks. I mean, as I said, I would have just gotten him myself but..." he gestures to the curb, "...the garbage"
"Yep, makes sense! It really wasn't a problem. I just really appreciate you calling us before the maggots set in!"

I mean really, how many people get to have these kinds of conversations?

Perhaps my special powers come from my Man-Pants. And thus a 22 year old girl, a freshly graduated elementary school teacher is able to surpass even the most manly of men in order to handle dead bunn- *ahem* rabbits.

I wonder what he would have thought about the time that it took two separate garbage bags to entirely clean up after a raccoon, or when I had to fold that maggoty raccoon in half... ugh, raccoons are just messy...

I think I should arrive with some sort of theme song playing from my van in the background. You know, to create a more dramatic entrance in order to enhance the awe inspiring mystique that surrounds my job.