In reality, that's what the officer said to me after shovelling most of a maggoty, gut-wrenching, putridly smelly raccoon... or possum... (we couldn't really tell anymore at that point) into the garbage bag that I was holding out for him --but actually, more happened today that I thought I'd quickly sum up!
I saw the insides of a turtle!! --Franklin books lied to me. There were no miniature lamp stands, chesterfields, or pictures hanging on the walls. I don't think I can ever read those books the same way again.
My sister sent me a text message about a smushed bunny. --I was not impressed. That is not how the system is supposed to work, but I went and got it anyway. It was in multiple pieces. At first I thought about bringing it home for her, but I soon realized that it would only be amusing for the initial reaction and then we'd be stuck with a extremely dead rabbit in a garbage bag at our house.
A group of children helped me find a dead cat. --There was a call for a cat that'd died under a shed at a community centre, it had been dead at least a week I was told. We couldn't find it, but knew it was somewhere (ah, thank you smell). But soon after arriving a group of kids ran up (three of them, about 7/8 yrs old) who told us where it was, and then wanted to stay and watch. I told them they probably didn't want to see it but they insisted on staying anyway. Thankfully, this cat had been gone at least 6 months, meaning it wasn't maggoty or mushy anymore, but the kids' reaction was still hilariously adorable. To them, for those few brief moments, we were by far the coolest people in the world. Haha, I wish more people could look at the world in the same interesting way as they did when they were 8.
And finally...
I folded a maggot infested raccoon in half today in order to fit it into a garbage bag. --Yep. I think that one pretty much explains itself.
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