The Neck Bone's Connected To The...

FAQ: How do you know where all the dead animals are?
-Well, as they're not exactly able to call us up themselves, passer byers generally spot the animals, call or email the Humane Society, and then the lovely ladies at the front desk radio out to the officers, and then the officers attend to the calls.

I know I've mentioned that I worked at the Humane Society in the past, but you see, it was one of those relatively clean jobs where I didn't exactly have to 'get my hands dirty'. Anyway, when I started back again this summer, a lot of people seemed to be surprised that I'd gotten the position and didn't really expect me to stick around long. The women at the front desk are both hilarious and amazing, but they also have a particular fondness for giving me some really weird calls.

-Oh I've got a good one for you!
-Uh oh, what is it?
-Well, we're not exactly sure... but I can tell you that it won't have a head!

So off we go, looking for a mystery animal on X street with no head.

It's a busy street, so we park around the corner and just walk up the sidewalk. It isn't long until we see an animal sprawled out across the sidewalk about half a block up. Good news: it is a chipmunk.

Side note: Chipmunks are the best! They're small. Easy to bag without the gag, larger animals can be much more difficult and awkward.

Yet only until afterwards did I realize how abnormal it was to find myself walking down the sidewalk toward a dead animal thinking "Please don't have a head, please don't have a head, please don't have a head..."

It didn't.

Win. Mystery headless animal was just a chipmunk, no sweat.

Wrong.

When I get back to the Centre and share the good news with the ladies at the front desk they show me the actual email that they received. Apparently some woman was out rollerblading and came across a mostly decomposed 'large animal' and she thought she'd let us know about it. A fox, wolf, or dog by her guess. So she took the skull because she thought it might be of some value.

-Excuse me?

Yeah, that's right, she took the head home with her.

What I find interesting is that she was out rollerblading, found the head, and then had to rollerblade home carrying a head.

I hope she enjoys her "wolf skull" -aka. dead raccoon head.

But next time you feel like you're losing your head -don't! Trust me, I've seen what it looks like and it ain't pretty!