The Story I Didn't Want To Write

Also known as The Day I Cried.

So I see roadkill every day, but I never thought that I'd actually be the one creating my own. (I guess on the bright side I already had the bags and shovel with me.)

I was in a nice neighbourhood on my way to get a squirrel when this little girl was walking her adorable little golden retriever puppy when it somehow got away from her and--

Ok I'm totally kidding (shame on me, that was horrible).

But I would have cried in that story too.

Actually, this story doesn't involve roadkill at all.

I was picking up a big beautiful boxer from a vet clinic who'd just been neutered. He was a gorgeous dog but he'd snapped off a nail on his way into the clinic and, on top of the neuter, his front paw was all bandaged up.

I take him to the grass to do his business (he does nothing), load him into the van, and off we go back to the Humane Society. Well, as it turns out, my not so little friend had to tinkle after all. Actually, boxers aren't small dogs. It was more like a pressurized hose on full blast going off for about two full minutes in the back of my van. Thankfully, the dog was in a crate with a lip on it so it's not like the urine was all over the van.

But back at the Centre when I opened the trunk, there he was -sitting in a pool of pee. I tried my best to contain the mess. The poor guy was just neutered and the pee was... well, we'll go with a bit 'discoloured'. And for those of you who are unaware, male urine smells much worse than that of females. I laid a garbage bag between the back of the van and the front of the crate to line his exit route for an easy clean up.

Not too bad of a plan I thought.

But what've we learned about my plans so far? Yea.. this one didn't really work out either.

So the dog -covered in urine- rushes to get out of the van. Now don't forget his bandaged paw has done a nice job soaking up a lot of pee, as if the rest of him wasn't coated enough.

He scampers.

Pee splashes..

Everywhere...

Including in my face.

Yes -I had a freshly neutered dog's urine in my face.

And then no one was coming out to get the dog so I had to stand there leash in one hand, radio in the other, and just wait for someone until I could go in and wash/scrub/coat in sanitizer my face.

It was just a bad day. When I came home (yes living at home again... I get minimum wage, what else can you expect) and my mom asked me how my day was. I was just exhausted and I explained what happened, knowing it would be funny in the future so it kind of came out in a upset crying/laughing jumble... Which then resulted in an awkward hug as my mom was trying to balance the knowledge of 'my daughter needs a hug right now' versus the 'my daughter is covered in dog urine right now so I really don't want to touch her'.

Unnecessary

When most people happen to drive past a dead animal in the middle of the road they generally feel sad or grossed out -I, on the other hand, feel the duty to pull over and pick it up.

Not all things I pick up have been called in. Some I just come across in the midst of driving to and from various errands throughout the day; yet this morning's find was beyond the usual smushed rabbit or squirrel.

At first I thought that it was a black cat -which is why I stopped.

Wrong.

Skunk.

But this was no usual skunk, no --this skunk was virtually inside out.

In case you were wondering, inside out is bad. Plus it was pretty much the worst combination of smells you can imagine.

I had to use the shovel.
It was fresh (still limpy to handle plus it generated a really fresh and raw smell opposed to one after the odor has had a chance to dissipate).
The intestines were ruptured (intestines = stink central).
It was water-logged (that just enhances the stench to an entirely new level).
AND it was a skunk whose stink glands had been ruptured...

More on the Stink Spray from Pauline Gill at ehow.com:
The spray acts like tear gas that can cause momentary blindness to the predator, if the liquid gets near the eyes. It can cause nausea and vomiting because the chemical ingredients of the oil are thiols. Thiols are what make decomposing bodies and feces smell repulsive because they are emitted as part of the decomposing process. Skunks store the chemicals naturally as an oil. The spray is yellow oil that the skunk stores in two glands the size of grapes. The glands are located at the base of the tail. Each gland can store up to a tablespoon of oil that is enough for six discharges. If the skunk discharges all of the spray, it takes up to 10 days to restore it.

Anyway, I'm sure that most people have experienced what it's like to walk by an area where a skunk has sprayed... but imagine a dead skunk with ruptured stink glands... with the 12 sprays-worth of stench all at once.

Now don't get me wrong, I've experienced some pretty rancid smells over the summer and have enhanced my already extremely strong stomach.

But I still threw up a little bit in my throat.

Not an ideal way to start a morning.

The Tree Incident

This is the story of the day I hit a tree.

No, not with my vehicle.

--With my face.

I was chasing after an injured duck (ya'kno, crouched low, arms out, moving forward in an oddly similar waddling fashion to the injured duck itself), when I speedily waddled myself straight into a tree branch. Apparently I was too busy watching the stupid duck to see where I was actually going.

Then the darn bird hopped down into the stream and swam away. I sighed, put my hand on my newly scraped forehead, and turned around thoroughly unsuccessful just in time to wave back at a cyclist biking towards me along the path.

I bet he thought I was so cool.

Catching up!

Oh goodness, apparently I have been hugely slacking lately.

It's not like there hasn't been plenty of gooey, sticky, and smelly things for me to pick up... I've just been short on time to share the stories! I've had to back track a little bit but I figure that's alright.

Haha sorry! I didn't realize people actually read this often enough to notice my slacking!

Bad Combination

It's been really stormy lately and my head doesn't do well with that; so today at work I was feeling quite under the weather.

Just in case anyone was curious, this is really not the job to have while you're feeling sick.

So Generous

Today I had a ride-along.

One of the girls on a co-op position from college had been working in the back with the Animal Care Staff but this morning they decided to send her along with me to see another aspect of what the Humane Society takes care of.

Apparently today was the day for dead raccoons, we had about five, but it was nice to have someone to chat with. Usually my other passengers are so quiet.

I teased her saying that she'd have to pick something up, as I did with another ride-along that I had in the past, but I didn't actually expect her to do it. But after watching me pick up a few raccoons I asked her if she wanted to get the next one and she said she would... except when we got there this raccoon was teeming with maggots... especially crawling out the eye sockets and inside the mouth.

I told her she didn't have to get it and at the very least offered to get her the shovel -but after a few deep breathes she stooped and scooped that stinker right up.

Most of it anyway, a bit of it's face fell off but I picked that up for her.

I was impressed! Far be it from me to horde all the exciting stories for myself!

Oh Deer...

Yep! That's right! I got my first deer today!

Well... part of it anyway.

This call came out to us as "a skinned carcass on the side of the road". We figured it was a deer so two of us went out to deal with it (often they are too big for one person handle... and they'd certainly be too big for me to lug around alone).

However, when we got there we realized that there was no actual body to the deer... just a pile of intestines and organs next to a skinned head. I was told that in all likelihood a hunter probably dumped the parts there rather than properly disposing of them.

Thanks Mr. Hunter, because of your laziness I had to pick up after you.

The other officer got the pile of inner-bits while I got the skinned head; except he dropped one of the organs so I picked that up too... I think it was either a lung or the liver... perhaps I should brush up on my anatomy so I can recognize the different parts that I come across.

...Future field trip option for an authentic learning opportunity with real-life application?!

Maybe not.

What's the Point?

I've never owned a cat. I've never been inclined to own a cat. Although I don't mind cats, I'm much more of a dog person. Personally, I consider this to be incredibly helpful because quite often I find myself scraping cats off the side of the road or bagging cats that have crawled off and died in the bushes. Really, starting your day bagging a couple dead cats each morning is not really ideal... but I can imagine it being much worse if I had owned any cats in the past.

Warning: rant
...When I do find myself picking up cats, although it's sad, I find myself thinking about the (pardon me) stupid owners who let them run around outside. Seriously, it is a pet owner's job to protect and care for their animals. Cats don't understand crosswalk signals and I can guarantee you that they're always on the losing team when up against a vehicle... so I don't understand how people are actually surprised when their cat gets hit by a car.
End rant.

Anyway... before I started this job little did I know that there were multiple types of Siamese cats that are classified by different 'points' noted on their face: seal point, chocolate point, blue point, and lilac point. So I pull up behind this cat by the curb and note that it looks like a Siamese.

"Interesting," I think to myself, "I wonder if I can remember what kind of point it is!"
(Okay... give me a break here. My days are not exactly intellectually challenging and anything that keeps my brain thinking turns out to be exciting for me.)

However, when I walk around to the front of the cat all I see is a bloody mashed in and popped out head. I think the eyes get to me the most. And it was still dripping. Needless to say, I was unable to classify the Siamese's point.

...Honestly, keep your darn cats inside.

Fact

Today I got cat intestines on my arm.

The Capture of the Cockatiel

I got my first stray today!

Generally speaking, I do DOAs (Dead On Arrival), injured birds, animal transport (to and from vets), other errands, and some licensing... but today I got a stray.

A pearl cockatiel had escaped and was found by a couple, ushered into their kitchen, and was being kept under a laundry basket. Although the husband wanted to keep it, the wife had vetoed that option and so there I was.

The little guy didn't want to climb up on my hand while my gloves were on, but the husband reassured me that he was really friendly and that I would probably be fine without them. Sure enough, gloves removed, the cockatiel soon hopped up and climbed up to perch quite comfortably on my shoulder. Obviously I couldn't go outside with him there as he'd fly away but when I tried to get him on my hand again he flew over to the husband.

This was the plan: have him hop up on my left hand, pet him with my right, and then gently hold his wings down so I'd be able to bring him to the crate. (You know, my ideas always seem to work so well in theory... but by now I should really know ahead of time that they're going to somehow mess up.)

Cockateils, as I soon found out, do not like to be confined like this by strangers and they also have really bendy necks. Meaning, very effectively biting my hands and fingers was not a problem for the littly guy.

"Oh, he's really biting you there eh?"
"Yea..." And so I ask the husband to help put a glove on each hand while I hold the bird in the other.
"Oh, well it can't be all that bad.." chimes in the wife.
"Well," I laugh and calmly say,"it's enough... I mean, he's drawing blood and I'm bleeding from my fingernails so... I wouldn't mind the gloves..."

The bird was contained and I brought my first stray back to the Centre without any further problems. But realistically, just throwing this out there, bleeding from the fingernails is not exactly pleasant. I didn't exactly see her going within 5 ft of the bird...

Inevitability

The fairy-tale ending in a chick-flick...
Frizzy hair on beach day...
Massive blisters after breaking in a new pair of heels through a night out dancing...

Some things in life are just inevitable...

...like how on long weekends, lots and lots of stuff will get hit.

Today was really busy (catching up on all the death from the weekend); yet, when looking back on my day, I thought that nothing particularly abnormal struck me as noteworthy.

Then I begin to think --today I picked up...

-a dead cat that had an eyeball dangling from it's socket
-half a dozen squirrels (it's a wonder they keep their population up)
-a ridiculously, wretched smelling opossum that I had to tie outside of my van
-another dead cat that seemed okay from the front, but had essentially pooped out its insides
-a bloated raccoon
- and I'd also fended off a horde of wasps in picking up a dead duck along some trail

There were more animals I'm sure, but after a while they start to blend together. Again, another inevitable result of my job I suppose. However, I'd like to note that in my case becoming jaded as an incredibly good thing.

What I can't understand is how, in my line of work, some other people choose to ignore the inevitable problems that arise from dead animals; i.e. stench, flies, maggots.

Last week I got a call for a dead opossum in a family's backyard. (For the record, calls on people's property are generally fairly intact as they haven't been rotting for too long before getting called in.) But this mom decided to go against the grain. This animal had been rotting for, oh, probably a month. The smell was unreal. I stood there and just looked at the darn thing for two minutes watching its skin literally crawl and ripple from the maggots.

I had two options:
1) Gloved/normal bagging technique
2) Shovel

Ah, I'll just grab it and get it over with -it's faster as it's a hassle fumbling with an open bag, and I didn't really want to deal with the obscene amount of maggots for any longer than necessary.

I chose wrong.

I grabbed and bagged him, but a lot of good that did. I basically got the skeletal structure and head while the rest of the flesh just kind of... schlumped off... and what I was left with looked like a 5 lb bucket of maggots, fur, and fleshy bits had been dumped out on the grass (mostly maggots though). I tried using the shovel (for the first time might I add) but... I think I just ended up spreading it around more.

Ah well, what did they expect? To leave a rotting animal and have it magically disappear without a mess? It would have been so much easier to deal with if she'd called it in right away... or just picked it up herself (she probably doesn't have a pair of Man-Pants though).